On wisdom and compassion
For years, I recall occasionally saying to friends or family members, “I’m not against tattoos. I just can’t imagine what – if anything – I’d ever want permanently inscribed on my body.”
It turns out, it took half a lifetime to find out.
Two qualities have shown their true nature to me enough times so as to inspire the awe that made them not only tattoo-worthy, but made me want to be able to look down at any given time and be reminded of their power. Working in tandem, they are unstoppable. Those qualities are wisdom and compassion.
Why wisdom?
When I was in high school, I remember seeing a T-shirt that made me laugh out loud. Printed on it was “Screaming man under train” along with a cartoonish image to this effect. Underneath it said, “This too shall pass.”
Years later, I realized that life isn’t something that happens to me, it flows through me.
As part of this, I learned that it is up to me to engage fully with life – to move with it and shape it, allow it to affect me and enable it to unfold. It is not about having control or assuming or forcing one ‘right way’ or outcome. Instead, I appreciate that in most every instance there is much that I do not know or may never know, and that making assumptions can lead to wasted time, effort and angst.
The upside? Allowing yourself to just get curious about what is happening now is a heck of a lot more fun than over-analyzing, taking things personally or playing the victim. In fact, there is a ton of playfulness and possibility that accompanies a willingness to be open to the unknown.
And when you combine all these elements, there is a sense of freedom … and peace.
I know what you may be thinking. “Whoa.”
These are all qualities I have been developing over time and hope to further embody. But since life is process that unfolds, and one that I now trust, there’s no rush, no timeline and no ultimate destination.
For me, this is the essence of wisdom.
Why compassion?
A kissing-cousin of compassion, empathy, has been recognized for some time now as a critical ‘soft’ skill – one that makes a major positive difference in everything from relationships (with self and others) to leadership effectiveness. Being able to see another’s point of view or take a proverbial ‘walk in their shoes’ is even more important in an age when our own increasing focus on our media ‘echo chambers’ of choice is fueling deep mistrust, divisiveness and acrimony. Being able to deepen one’s empathy has a valuable spillover effect into other aspects of life. It can improve everything from self-awareness, to interpersonal and team dynamics and the often-quiet-but-very-real evolution of culture in the workplace.
So, cultivating a deep sense of empathy is essential. But where does compassion come into play? And what’s the difference?
We experience the desire to assert our independence in childhood. As we seek to establish our own identity from that of our parents or caregivers, we begin wanting to do more for ourselves, ask repeated questions (especially, “Why?”) and may rebel, often in ways consistent with our personalities. In turn, adolescence is a particular time when feeling like an ‘insider’ vs. an ‘outsider’ can be a significant source of suffering. Life can feel like a popularity contest, exacerbating the protective force of our ego and the ways it tries to influence our mindset and behavior – “Cue Judgment stage right!”
And Judgement is a brutal character indeed. It delights in attacking you, causing you to criticize others and lament your circumstances.
This is where I have found that compassion comes in. Compassion enables us to cut through the noise and mayhem that the Judgment character creates in our lives. It allows us to observe and know the inherent goodness in each of us, in all of us. It imbues us with the courage needed to see things as they are as opposed to how we wish they would be. Compassion inspires in us the ability to be open, remain objective, have grace, radiate warmth and give and receive love. It beckons us to see the promise inherent in deeply understanding the truth of ourselves – and so much more – in all aspects of life.
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Through my lived experiences and developmental journey and in my work coaching others, I have glimpsed the timeless and limitless value of cultivating wisdom and compassion. Doing so enables connection, increases strength and invites in more joy.
So, no, this is not a subtle advertisement for the tattoo industry.
Rather, it is an invitation to pay attention to what moves you in life. I invite you to notice, with fresh and open attention, what you allow to affect you – to touch you deeply in some way. Once you have done this, the hardest part is not to look away.